So, here I am again, at work, and wishing I was at home writing. The month of January is almost over and I can't believe in just over two weeks I'll be 50. That's actually a magic number of sorts. I feel really good about it. The first 50 years of my life have been an amazing journey to say the least, and though there have been some very hard times and lots of heartache, the reality is that the best is yet to come.
My responsibilities have been met, I've raised my kids, taken care of my loved ones, and given what everyone has expected of me. Now I'm in the stage where I can give to myself. I have learned to love myself, to believe in myself, and to free myself from the bondage that has been imposed on me by people, places and events. Freedom is a beautiful thing. The question is, what does that freedom entail? What to do? What to do?
There are so many options available to me now. Ironically, I find myself wondering why certain things are coming about in my life right now. I have kept myself distanced from most people in the past, but now find myself connected to a handful that seem to play an integral part in my evolution. I have a support system for the first time in my life. It feels good, but I can't imagine distance keeping me from being in their presence whenever the need arises.
I write from a depth that scares me sometimes. Most of what I pen right now, never makes it out onto my writing sites, my performances, or to those that read my work. It is intense, extreme, and very powerful. The changes I'm going through, the new way of looking at things, the emotions, the dreams, the nightmares, all of it is spilling out in waves that crash against the barriers that have been erected through time and now sift away like sand on a weather beaten shore.
I decided to create a new word, epiphanous, yeah I know it's not a Webster word, but it applies to what is going on in my life. Each new thought raises more thoughts, more emotions, more ideas, and damn that kicks ass. I have a muse that fuels me like none before, I have friends that love me like none before, and I have a newfound knowledge that drives me deeper and deeper into myself. What an amazing place that is. I know at some point, these new pieces of work will make it into a book with material that no one has previewed, and it will be amazing to the people that know my work, for it is a smooth glide into the persona that is really me. It will be surprising to say the least.
