Bizarre but true

After I got home from work today, I added the new water dish to my snakes' tank and prepared to feed them. I took out the first one and put it in the smaller tank along with the unsuspecting mouse and marveled at how I was watching the food chain in action. The strike was quick, but the feeding took a while. My new addition (not sure if it's male or female yet) slid back and forth over the still mouse and then finally proceeded to eat it. It took quite a while. Then I took Lillith out and repeated the process. She struck quickly and ate just as quickly, As I sat and observed it really caused me to think. Then it dawned on me.

For years I have felt like that mouse. Some people in my life struck quickly but took their time devouring me. Others struck quickly and devoured quickly. Now mind you, I never saw myself as a "mouse", but I did realize I lived for many years like that mouse walking around in a box, waiting for the strike. It's liberating to know that I can or will no longer be devoured. I have elevated myself on the food chain.

Okay, so enough with the analogy. Down to the real stuff now. Life has been and always will be what you make it. The people you surround yourself with is purely by choice. The old adage "misery loves company" is so true to fact. It's when you realize that other people's misery can drag you down and suck the life force from you that you decide to remove them and surround yourself with positive, supportive, and REAL people. I'm in that process now, chiseling away the negative influences that have and could drained me. I have also decided to truly trust and let in the people that genuinely care about "ME" just the way I am.

I am embracing my dreams and voicing my gratitude for the many friends that have helped to shape the beautiful place I'm in. It feels good to finally learn that it's okay to think about myself and what makes me happy and not feel like I'm being selfish for putting myself first. There is a lesson in everything that shapes a life and what one does with that lesson pretty much determines that life.

Soooooo...on that note, thanks to all of you who are helping me reach my dreams and making me feel loved.

The new project begins

With the beginning of a new week and in light of the amazing weekend I've had, the new project begins. The name of the book in progress is, "The Perfection of Imperfection." It is a compilation of short stories (fiction) that ties together in the end. I started this project about two years ago and never really followed through with it. A couple of weeks ago, while in NYC, I read two of the stories I had written and got a great reception. The people I read it to had only heard my poetry and spoken word in the past, so I think they were a bit surprised when I stepped outside of that genre.

I'm really excited about this project and am looking forward to nightly expeditions into the worlds of my characters. I always get a rush when I "become" my character and write from his or her perspective. Though I've not really given myself a deadline at this point, I do intend to work on it nightly so I can get it published soon.

I'll likely put a paragraph or two for each story in my blog so as to tantalize future readers of the finished product.

On a side note: My novel "Silent Retribution" is currently in the editing process and once a cover photo is ready, it will be published and available on LuLu alongside my other book, "Manifesto of a Menopausal Woman."

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Another late night/early morning

So here I sit again, contemplating the way this weekend has gone. I've spent two days just thinking and trying to come to terms with so many things. In the past when I went through this, it was always traumatic, earth shattering, and depressing. Not so this time. My thought processes have changed, along with my views about a lot of things. I feel a sense of relief, joy, excitement, and profound peace.

I've come to terms with why I'm where I am right now, and why I'm not moving forward. There is no one and nothing to blame. Hell, blame doesn't really play a part in it anyway. I've fallen into a comfort zone, the usual thought process of doing what it is I'm supposed to do as a mother, friend, and employee. I am so many things to so many people but nowhere near who I want or need to be for me. I have spent a lifetime taking care of others and making sure things are right, that along the way I forgot what it means to do for me.

I'm actually at a place in life where I don't have issues, problems, or drama to deal with. It has left me blank, because that is what my life has always been. I am learning to embrace a new time in my life where I can really follow my dream. What a sense of enlightenment that has created in me. I know there are people who believe in me and that's always a wonderful thing, but it doesn't do any good if I don't believe in myself.

I have decided to step away from poetry and spoken word for a while and pursue other avenues of writing that I have let fall by the wayside. Most people that have read my work have only seen one side of me. Trust me, there is so much more. I have a bottomless well of ideas that need to be pulled to the surface and I'm excited at the prospect of what is to come. There is no end in sight to what will flow forth from me over the next several months.

I am truly thrilled for the first time in four months of writer's block hell. I'm back...