I awoke at 5:04 this morning after having fallen asleep on the couch. I had every intention of getting some writing done last night, but honestly, I was exhausted. This past week at work was rough. The TV was on; the lamp next to the couch was shining in my eyes, and the rhythmic sound of the AC was humming in my ears. I arose, turned everything off and headed for my room. The condo was silent, almost eerily so. I decided to check in on my son who was sleeping soundly along with his legless lizzard, Afeni.
I went into my room, splashed some water on my face and took out my contacs which felt like sand in my eyes. The usual hustle and bustle noise from outside was pleasanlly absent and I felt a sense of peace. I suddenly felt such a sense of gratitude. I haven't felt that in a while. Things have been tough for me these past few months and I wasn't able to put my finger on exactly what was wrong. I knew I was uncomfortable and discontent in my own skin. I haven't been able to find joy in much these days. It's amazing how 5:00 a.m. can affect the mind. This is not my usual time to function in the world. Honestly, I am not a morning person.
This morning is different. As i sit her in the unuual silence, pondering my life, I am overwhelmed by just how good it is. I've lost sight of that lately. Granted, I may not be at a place in life I'd have liked to achieve by now, but I'm heading there. I have two beautiful children, a published book, an amazing place to live, and my gift to write with passion. I've also come to terms with the realization that no matter where I am, I still am. No matter what my physical location is, I have to strive for my dream and make it happen. It's at my fingertips and yet eludes me, because I am too wrapped up in not being there. I know, it probably doesn't make sense, but it hits home with me.
I have not been networking, writing, promoting my book, or really applying myself to making the change I need. It's not a blame game, it's just the dawning of realizing that I have to make the change in my thought process and forge ahead with the passion I only lay upon the page. I have already accomplished a great milestone in publishing my first book. I know there is so much creativity flowing through me and the time to break the damn of my own stagnation and procrastination has come. Funny how that came about at the early hours of the morning. Iknow I have all of the tools to forge ahead and create, create, create. Now the time has come to set aside the self imposed curse of standing still and wishing, and blasting out into the world with all of me. Saturday, May 3, 2008 -- Liberation Day.
I went into my room, splashed some water on my face and took out my contacs which felt like sand in my eyes. The usual hustle and bustle noise from outside was pleasanlly absent and I felt a sense of peace. I suddenly felt such a sense of gratitude. I haven't felt that in a while. Things have been tough for me these past few months and I wasn't able to put my finger on exactly what was wrong. I knew I was uncomfortable and discontent in my own skin. I haven't been able to find joy in much these days. It's amazing how 5:00 a.m. can affect the mind. This is not my usual time to function in the world. Honestly, I am not a morning person.
This morning is different. As i sit her in the unuual silence, pondering my life, I am overwhelmed by just how good it is. I've lost sight of that lately. Granted, I may not be at a place in life I'd have liked to achieve by now, but I'm heading there. I have two beautiful children, a published book, an amazing place to live, and my gift to write with passion. I've also come to terms with the realization that no matter where I am, I still am. No matter what my physical location is, I have to strive for my dream and make it happen. It's at my fingertips and yet eludes me, because I am too wrapped up in not being there. I know, it probably doesn't make sense, but it hits home with me.
I have not been networking, writing, promoting my book, or really applying myself to making the change I need. It's not a blame game, it's just the dawning of realizing that I have to make the change in my thought process and forge ahead with the passion I only lay upon the page. I have already accomplished a great milestone in publishing my first book. I know there is so much creativity flowing through me and the time to break the damn of my own stagnation and procrastination has come. Funny how that came about at the early hours of the morning. Iknow I have all of the tools to forge ahead and create, create, create. Now the time has come to set aside the self imposed curse of standing still and wishing, and blasting out into the world with all of me. Saturday, May 3, 2008 -- Liberation Day.
