So here I am at work again and hating every minute of it. I guess I should be grateful that I have a job in these desperate times, but honestly, I am so over it. Half the time I'm bitter about having to play this game and the other half I'm depressed that things aren't different.
Sometimes it just gets so hard to keep a positive mental attitude and believe that things will change and get better. Truthfully, I'm just plain tired. I've spent a lifetime taking care of others and making sure their needs are met and their lives are as comfortable as possible. I've sacrificed to the gills and frankly, I want to be on the receiving end of that deal for once. Yep, never thought I'd say it, let alone write it down. I've spent a lifetime being a fiercely independent, self-sufficient woman that has never asked for help or let her fears and weaknesses rise to the surface. It's been a hell of a ride.
It just seems lately like I want to pull the covers over my head and say fuck it! Now, whenever I've felt this way in the past, the signifcant others in my life have made the comment that it must be my time of the month. How damn cliche is that? Truth be told, I've spent the first half in a constant battle to do the right thing, follow the rules, meet expectations, and be responsible. I'm starting the second half and I want to throw caution to the wind, not give a damn about anyone but me and what I want, take risks, and above all live my dream at any cost.
Now that's a conundrum, don't you think? How's that for extremes? Today I woke up and said, "Fuck It" and threw the covers on the floor. I want what I want and I deserve to have it, it's my time, so I suppose that means my personal universe is a "ME" driven place right now. Feels damn good.
